I found the image below on FB this morning and I am really, really hoping that the originator of it was joking. For one thing, the vast majority of guys not only know everything it says but they follow it. But what really got to me reading the list is that there is nothing on it pertaining to the girl in the equation. It takes all responsibility off of her. But we will get to that in a minute. Here’s the list.
Now, I agree a guy should never drug a woman. A man shouldn’t assault a woman. A man should be a gentleman except, these days, even that is looked upon by some in our society as a sign of misogyny. In fact, if you do a bit of googling, you will find a study that came out not too long ago that says a man opening the door for a woman is bad. It shows he is a misogynist who thinks a woman can’t do for herself.
Which is a crock. A gentleman, the one most likely to hold a door or offer to carry packages, is doing it out of a sign of respect. It isn’t to say “hey, look at the little lady. She can’t do anything for herself and I’m sooooo much better.” Yet there are those who, for whatever reason, think they have to make such well-mannered men think twice about doing something nice.
And I am tired of it.
Just as I am tired of putting the entire blame on men, all men, for a woman being raped.
Look, there are steps a woman can take to try to protect herself and they mainly mean making sure she does everything she can to avoid being in the position for something bad to happen. Will these steps stop someone really determined to do harm? Not always. But if you take all responsibility for protecting oneself away from the woman, the problem will always exist.
I could respond to each and every one of the do’s and don’ts in the list above but I won’t. What I will say is that women — and men — need to start using common sense. You can keep out of a lot of dangerous situations if you do. Common sense things like not leaving your drink unattended, not drinking to excess, not getting into cars with strangers, not leaving doors and windows unlocked can save you not only from being robbed or raped but from being killed.
I am tired of common sense being tossed out the window.
I am tired of folks crying about how you demonize victims by simply saying “don’t be stupid in what you do.”
Yes, this is a hot button for me. I have worked in law enforcement. I have worked with victims — sexual assault, felony assault and the families of those who have been murdered. I have been a victim, just as many others have. But I don’t wear my victimhood on my arm and cry “trigger warning” just because something might, at some point in some unforeseen future, remind me of what happened.
So, damn it, common sense first and foremost. As important as that is, listen to that inner voice. When it tells you there is something wrong, listen. It will be right more times than not. Combine the two and you stand a greater chance of not becoming a victim than if you don’t.
There will always be men and women out there who are intent on hurting others. Yes, women. Funny how so many people forget about that. Men aren’t the only ones out there who rape and kill. Remember that as well.
Now, back to your normal programming.